Baby loss and Christmas…the deafening silence.

I can’t even begin to describe how sh1t this time of year is for those who have lost a baby and particularly when it’s the first year you have lost your baby. The grief is actually beyond imaginable. the shops are filled with the cutest baby clothes and babygro’s all saying ‘baby’s first christmas’ and all you can think of is that this should be you and how has it gone all horribly wrong. You should either still be pregnant or should be experiencing your baby’s first Christmas but instead you are mourning or wishing so bad for it to be the way it should have been earlier in the year, they way you had it all planned out the second you found out you were pregnant with your little one. but instead you are mentally and emotionally stuck in some reality that you just can’t bear to be in.

It’s hard to say it has got a little bit easier because I feel that sounds in poor taste but time has been somewhat of a healer and I have learned to cope in some ways but Christmas is a trigger and its all about family and when there is a special person you love missing from your family christmas will always be tinged with a bit of sadness.

I was in my local shopping centre last week and I just saw so many new babies with their mammies walking around so happy with life and it does put such a smile on my face because it really is such a very, very special time, a babies first Christmas but it also brought me back to a place where I was 2 years ago when I experienced my first Christmas without Oisin being in my tummy anymore and last year should have been his first Christmas.  It was Senan’s first Christmas and it was very joyous and happy for us and I would never ever in a million years take that joy away from myself and my family and Senan for his first Christmas but it was 100% in my mind that it also should have been Oisín’s and I did allow myself be emotional about that.

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But today I think of all the parents out there, particularly the mammies because it is so, so hard for them to get out of the house into the throngs of Christmas shoppers and feel festive and buy presents and watch happy families walking around when it is something they want so bad too and not that it is something they want, its something they too should have. They had lots of  hope too when they carried their baby or gave birth to their baby but something went drastically wrong and their lives changed forever by what happened during the year.

So please, please, please if you read this piece and if you know someone who has lost a baby this year or a pregnancy send them a Christmas card, put their baby’s name on it if their baby was named, send them a text or even better drop them a quick phone call and let them know you are thinking of them and that you know this is a tough Christmas for them. Otherwise it feels like it is a taboo subject or they feel like they are being alienated and in an even lonelier place then they already are. If you want to buy them a little gift a candle or a bauble for their baby for their Christmas tree is perfectly acceptable.

But please don’t shut them out, don’t ignore them, don’t not mention their baby…because the silence is deafening.

The reason I started my blog was to raise awareness about baby loss and stillbirth, to break the silence and that is my goal. I love the amount of messages I get from people who follow my blog and contact me saying their friend or family member lost a baby and what should they do to help them. really its that simple don’t ignore them. I know so many people who feel that by mentioning the baby or the baby name will make them upset but trust me by not mentioning it is so much worse.

 

 

 

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Luggwoods – a magical enchanted Christmas experience in the Dublin mountains

Last Saturday we were kindly invited by Luggwoods to check out their Christmas train and Santa experience. We had recently been to their Halloween train and absolutely loved it and we jumped at the chance to check out their Christmas themed event.

So off we toddled down the M50 and up towards the Dublin Mountains. Luggwoods is just minutes drive from Saggart village.

Upon arrival we were met by some of Santa’s little helpers who painted our faces and got us in the spirit of things by singing us a few songs before we boarded the train up the mountain trail to Santa’s little kingdom.

Myself & Cadhla, although she looks like she’s not happy to be here she really was!!

When we boarded the train we were told Santa lost a few of his presents and that we had to look out for them along the way in the trees in the forest. So in between singing a few more festive tunes and screaming at any presents we saw in the trees it was fun (& noisy) journey up. Our favourite part of the train was when we stopped by The Grinch’s house and sang jingle bells to make him happy and fall in love with Christmas again. Anyone who follows cut on instagram would know Cadhla absolutely loves The Grinch. So she absolutely loves this and was screaming jingle bells at the poor guy!!

Luggwoods Christmas tree

Once we arrived at Santa’s house we were met by Mrs Claus and the head elf. They brought us in to see Santa’s real life reindeer in their pens and we had a little action mini disco dance with them before we went through to the next room where we got some family photos taken on Santa’s sleigh, had a yummy cup of hot chocolate and some pancakes while the kids all did some colouring and writing their letters to Santa which they could post through the onsite letter box for all letters to the North Pole. We were in here for a nice amount of time and when Santa was ready to see us we went on in through to Santa’s sitting room where the big man himself was there waiting for us.

Head Elf and Mrs Claus

What can I say about Luggwoods Santa? Well we are only 3 years going to Santa’s and i have to say this Santa was amazing. Cadhla was all talk about Santa before she went in to see him but as soon as she saw him she didn’t want to go near him, at all! She clung to me and would barely look at him, but Santa himself was very good a patient about it. Senan on the other hand who has just turned 1 thought Santa was the biz, he was high fiving him, pulling at his real beard (which must have been sore for poor ‘ol Santa) and laughing in his face and generally loving the big jolly man in his bright red suit. Sure Mammy and Daddy were having a great laugh and the chats & bants with Santa himself.

Santa and the O’Shea’s

After the presents were given out and a photo opportunity we said our goodbyes to Mr Claus, we headed through to another area were we went on a teacup emery go round, a great added bonus as myself and Cadhla had a lot of fun in there. There was also a small enclosed little baby/toddler ball pit area for the younger baby to have a play in (and give the parents arms a rest) this is also where you pick up your photos of your family and Santa.

After some more dancing and Christmas craic it’s time to board the train back down to where we started our journey. Again we passed by Tinkerbell and the Tooth Fairy’s house and The Grinch’s house and where he was dancing and waving goodbye to us. But before you board the train check out the serious spectacular views over Dublin from this point. My camera just couldn’t do photo justice to the view of the twinkling lights from the city below us.

It truly was a magical end to a magical family evening. New happy Christmas memories were made for me and my brood and isn’t that was Christmas is all about, family festive fun time! We will definitely be returning to Luggwoods next year, our new Christmas tradition.

Luggwoods opens November 30th tickets can be booked now at http://www.luggwoods.ie and are priced at €19 per child and €14 per adult. (Infants under 12 months go free)

Tips

No buggy’s so we brought a sling for our 1 year old. I’d recommend bringing a sling for any babies going to Luggwoods but its not essential if you don’t have one.

It is all indoors and it is quite warm except for the train part which is covered but not heated. For us the weather was mild on our visit so next time i’d leave all the jackets in the car and just have layers and hats on the kids which can be take off if need be.

The coffee on site in amazing!

The Bubble

A lot of the time I find it easier to write down my feelings rather then speak about them. In the last few weeks my PTSD & anxieties have risen. So when wanting to raise this issue or talk about it I haven’t been able to, so I write. Talking aloud when I’m going through the depths of it, I get muffled, upset or sometimes I just can’t get the words out, I become speechless. Yes me, speechless!!!

I’ve had panic attacks in work at my desk, or just felt really uncomfortable in work at the thoughts of an oncoming panic attack and being exposed and feeling vulnerable. I worry about the questions people may ask me or how will I escape without the whole open plan office seeing me crumble to pieces in a state of fear and sobbing? Open plan offices scenarios are the worst place to be when you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. They actually suck. Who invented them? They don’t work for such a vast majority of people.

A simple conversation with a colleague can set it off, like it did a few weeks ago, in the lift at 7am, a new employee asked a normal simple question ‘Oh how many kids do you have?’ Nothing wrong with asking that BUT to someone who has lost a baby or a child it’s a dreaded question. Normally I answer by saying I’ve a 3 year old and a 1 year old at home. Quietly in my head I say to myself and I’ve another in heaven. It kills me that question. In my, non prepared, early morning state I panicked and couldn’t get my usual answer out. I blurted, Oh I’ve 2 kids, a girl and a boy. My mind raced, there was no going back, the lift doors opened and we went our separate ways.

I went to my desk consumed with utter guilt. I never mentioned Oisin, I never mentioned my son who was stillborn. My 2nd baby. It literally ate me upside for 2 hours and then the panic attack came on. The guilt and being caught off guard tore me up inside. I can’t do this anymore, I thought to myself, I just felt like I’m not able to be out in the big bad world and function outside of my little bubble of home. I escaped down the lift and went for a walk, shaking and teary eyed through the throngs of Grand Canal Dock office workers and burly Construction men. Exposed, feeling lost and alone. I’ve been here before though, after I went back to work after losing Oisín. They were a lot worse tbh but I had a couple of colleagues who sat next to me who protected me, but they aren’t next to me anymore. It’s a horrible place to be. No one I knew was near me and my safety net of my home felt a million miles away, not 10.

Anyone who knows me would know I’m a tough cookie who takes no crap from anyone but in my current state you could say boo to me and I’d start to cry!

My hometown, my village and the people I surround myself with are the ones that get me through every day, especially in the last year after having Senan, they probably don’t know it but they helped build me back up and keep me standing. They knew my background and what happened and in the first few weeks of Senans life, when a few times I called him Oisín and the panic attacks and other issues started back again they were there to listen and understand.

The people around me, when I leave my bubble, are strangers, they don’t know my trauma. I’m insignificant in their lives when I walk passed them in the street or say hi in the elevator in work.

When I was pregnant with Senan, very soon after losing Oisín, 10 weeks after to be precise, the attacks subsided a little bit because I had to deal with a different array of emotions and ensure to keep this baby inside safe and well. I suppressed them and another whole array of the grieving process I had been dealing with. Then a few months later my sister was in a horrific hit and run in London and they came back again.

Now I have the fear of waiting for something bad to happen again. I’ve convinced myself everything happens in 3’s. To this date I’m still waiting for the 3rd bad thing to happen and it’s so shit to think that way and I know I’m wrong to feel this way but the mind is sometimes our worst enemy.

Now that I’m away from my kids 50 hours a week, a massive chunk of their lives is out of my control and I sit at my desk freaking out in my head, making up scenarios, what if the childminder crosses the road without looking or drops one of them down the stairs and they bang their head and she doesn’t tell me. All absolute what if’s but I’m consumed by the dread.

The village I come from in Dublin, local people refer to as ‘The Bubble’, some people are dying to escape the bubble and others don’t ever want to leave. I left in my 20’s and travelled and lived abroad, knowing I always wanted to return to the bubble. The bubble I’m referring to is a small seaside town in North County Dublin. I was born and raised here, I’m know most of the inhabitants and have a lot of relatives in my bubble. They’ve all know me since day 1.

I’ve often heard ‘It takes a village to raise a family’ but it also takes a village to build a broken girl back up but by bit. They did that for me, a lot of the time without knowing it but the comfort of home in my bubble and how insular can be, puts me at ease. I used to look down on all that many years ago, now I thrive off it.

Back to my panic attacks…it came to a boiling point during the week and I ended up having 2 panic attacks in work in one morning. I had to leave to go home. So I went to my GP that very afternoon, who I’ve been with a while now and she knows I’ve been managing and handling my PTSD.

We both agreed in the last few weeks I haven’t been able to manage it and we needed to take some further action. So that’s were we are at now. I’ve made the step, I have been also going to counseling and meditation and doing some relaxing yoga.

I’ve been signed off work for a few weeks and I’m going to take this time to work and try and manage it and hopefully be able to leave The Bubble and my comfort zone and not be so afraid in the coming weeks. Thankfully my Employer and colleagues have been of great support in the past and the future and that in itself is great for my peace of mind.

But jaysus adulting really sucks at times!

If any of you want to follow my daily stories and micro blogging check me out on Instagram at aoife.irishmumontherun

Wild Lights at Dublin Zoo

Entrance to Wild Lights

We were lucky enough to go to the 98fm preview evening of this years Wild Lights at Dublin Zoo and first off I have to say I was well impressed and would 100% recommend a visit to it this year. We went last year and as much as I enjoyed it I though it was overpriced for what it was, €20 per adult & €15 for children over 3 (Under 3’s are free) it’s not a cheap night out for the family. However this year it is bigger and better and it’s not something you see everyday I guess.

When you walk in through the entrance of Dublin Zoo in front of you is the lake and in the lake is a very impressive light display. A lovely and perfect opportunity for a nice family photo, I’d recommend getting a picture taken at the start rather then the end when the kids are tired or asleep.

I think most people go to the left and walk around the lights exhibition this way but we’ve always gone to the right to avoid the crowds, so we are going away from rather then with them. It doesn’t really make a difference what way you go around the exhibits either.

If you walk to the right you’ll end up hitting the Chinese horoscope section first, close to the main restaurant and toilet facilities, after that section you move in towards their new North Pole section which wasn’t there last year but this was one of my favorite sections of the whole exhibit. It had reindeer’s, Santa, a post office, a massive Christmas tree and loads of other christmassy light displays on show.

We took our time wandering around the zoo and taking in each section at a time, Cadhla was definitely much more into it this year, she’s just turned 3 so is more aware of everything and Christmas and all that jazz so it was great to see her face and her amazement at it all. And I fully appreciated the work and attention to details that was put into this years Wild Lights. It must take ages for them to set up and maintain. So I can understand why it is priced the way it is.

I’m not going to go into to much full on detail of each section because if you go you’ll want some surprises.

This years theme of the Wild Lights is Ocean of light so it does have a whole section on Ocean life too. My favorite sections were the ones I’ve mentioned above, the North Pole and the Ocean of Lights.

There are plenty of food and drinks kiosks dotted around the zoo which are open during the evening lights. Towards the end when we were nearly finished we ended up at the large food area at the Ocean of Lights section and felt a bit peckish, there was loads of picnic tables there to sit at and they had burgers and chips and spice bags. I got the spice bag and OMG it was delicious, absolute delicious, I scoffed the whole thing. Get the spice bag!!!!!

All in all I’d say we were there for just over 2 hours. The kids were great because they were fully entertained and in awe and didn’t get cranky, thankfully.

The only downside and this isn’t a downside of the Wild Lights it’s to do with Dublin traffic, because it starts at 5pm it’s rush hours traffic time in Dublin, we were coming from North County Dublin so we took the M50 and the traffic was horrendous, what would normally take us 25 minutes to drive took us an hour and 10 minutes. We left at 5.30pm as the preview was starting at 6pm and we got there at 6.40pm.

My advise would be aim to be there for 4.45pm, get parked up and be there for when it opens at 5pm or else aim to be there for 6.45pm and be there for 7pm. Our kids are too young to go too late so that’s why we wanted to get there as early as possible. Plus it’s not just for kids it’s definitely something that people from all ages would appreciate.

You can see the videos and photos I posted from Wild Lights under the highlights section of my Instagram @Aoife.IrishMumOnTheRun so please head over and hit the follow button too 🤗

Tips

Feed the kids before you go!

Bring snacks

Wrap up warm, bring wellies or rain gear and an umbrella just in case.

Bring a buggy if you think the younger kids might get tired.

Wild Lights at Dublin Zoo is open from Thursday 1st November and running on selected dates in November, every day in December except 24th, 25th & 26th December and 1st January through to 6th January. Wild Lights is open from 5pm-9pm with last entry at 8pm.

Ladyrath Lane Pumpkin Patch

Ladyrath Lane Patch entrance

Ok I know, I know, its November 2nd, Halloween is over and as of yesterday at 12.01am it was officially Christmas time!!But…my review will stand for you all for next year.

We were due to go to Ladyrath Lane on Sunday the 28th October but my daughter was sick with tonsillitis so we had to cancel last minute. A quick message to Ladyrath to see if there was any chance of rescheduling and thankfully there was some space available on Halloween morning. FYI – They keep the Halloween morning slot free for families with children who have autism, so it is a quieter and more relaxed affair, which might be handy to know for any parents or family members wanting to go with a child with autism.

Situated in Rathkenny, Co Meath, we headed off from North County Dublin towards Ladyrath at 9am and got there just before 10am.

It was our first ever visit to a Pumpkin Patch and it was pretty much everything I imagined it to look like, it was just so cute and autumnal! Stacks of hay and are neatly dotted around the place to sit on and get the real farm like feel.

Bale ‘em, bale ‘em, hay, hay

When you first come in to Ladyrath on the left is a barn were they have face painting, a movie room filled with more hay bales to sit and watch a kids movie, should you desire and beyond that is a little indoor playroom with tricycles and kids tractors for the young ones to play on.

After my 3 year old, Cadhla,  got her face painted, as a very scary Ghost, we made our way out to the courtyard were they have a cool outdoor play area that both my kids loved, kitted out with huge tractor tyres for them to play and jump in and some little tikes plastic toys that all the young kids love playing with. Also there is the toilet facilities and a small baby change area here too.

Once the kids had a play around there we headed straight for the pumpkin patch. As it was the last day of the patch I was afraid there would only be a few pumpkins left but there was an abundance of them.

Cadhla ran around picking one, then deciding she didn’t want that one, then she wanted another one! Put it this way, there was a lot of mind changing but that was half the fun really! Senan, my 1 year old, who had no clue what was going on but he got in on the action and was waddling in and out touching the pumpkins and falling over as newly walking babies tend to do!

In and around the patch are decorative tombstones, ghosts & ghouls and scary pumpkin scarecrows all adding the Halloween feel.

Once we finally picked our pumpkin we headed over to the covered carving area where there was Ladyrath staff on hand to help cut your pumpkin top and then you went off and scooped it out and carved it all to your own unique design. Child friendly tools for carving are all provided.

Also to note you get a free pumpkin with each child ticket purchased, you can purchase extra pumpkin’s should you wish to starting from €2. We had good fun doing this together – Cadhla was the designer, telling me what she wanted while I did all the carving!

When we were finished we toddled over to the bouncy castles and another play area complete with slides and swings. The bouncy castles were a little wet as it had rained overnight so unfortunately Cadhla had no interest in playing on them and it was a bit too cold and wet anyway. I hadn’t brought any of the kids wet gear either. But the swings and slides play area were a hit.

At this stage we were all tired out so we went hit the on site coffee shop for a hot drink. The coffee shop is so cute and quaint. They had hot chocolate for kids and home baked treats. Cadhla wanted a pumpkin cookie (a kids cookie decorated to look like a pumpkin) and a hot chocolate with marshmallows. We sat next to the wood burning stove (covered with a cage so it is child friendly) ate and drank our goodies and warmed up nicely.

We were about to head on home but the kids decided they wanted to play in the tractor tyres and with the little tikes toys again so off they went and did that. 30 minutes later we were on the road back home to Dublin with 2 happy but exhausted kids who slept for 2 hours afterwards! We were in Ladyrath for about 2.5 hours in total.

All in all it was a really fun day out (apart from a toddler meltdown) and I would highly recommend it as a fun family friendly mid-term outing.

It is a 1 hour drive from Dublin so if you don’t mind that and you want to go to a pumpkin patch that has a lot more to do than just picking and carving a pumpkin then definitely book into Ladyrath Lane.

Ladyrath Lane is outside Navan and about a 50-60 minute drive from Dublin.

They also do a ‘Pick your own Tree’ at Christmas time which might be something to look into or consider in the coming weeks.

Tips

Book early to avoid disappointment. We booked in early September and all the afternoon slots were gone already. (I have a reminder in my phone to book September 1st next year!)

Bring wellies and pack wet gear just in case.

Patch times are 9am-12pm and 1.30pm – 4pm.

Contact details

www.ladyrathlane.ie

Phone – 085 175 1310

email – ladyrathlane@gmnail.com

facebook – Ladyrath Lane

Instagram @ladyrathlane

World Mental health Day

Today is World Mental Health day, which subsequently coincides with baby loss awareness week.  For those who are affected by both I know this is in your thoughts more so this week.

Generally anyone who has suffered a stillbirth or baby loss of any kind quite often experiences mental health issues or post traumatic stress disorder after such severe trauma.

WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY

So today quite a few emotions are sparked in my mind. I know last week I wrote about how I am coping 2 years after Oisin’s stillbirth and I promise I will have some lighter blog pots coming up but I just feel the need to get my thoughts and experiences down in writing with the hope that those who have been through similar or are going through a hard time now or in the past can relate to it.

People often say to me gosh you are so positive, your are so strong, you are an inspiration but the truth is I have no choice to be! Purely because being the opposite to positive is negative and negativity puts me in a really, really bad place. I’ve been in that space before and felt like I was drowning, that ill never come up. I have worked on this with my Counsellor and I’ve had to put in the hard graft myself to get to here.

I do have bad days, some really bad days to be honest, where I just dont want to face the world, where I just need to still grieve. Like everyone does in life. I don’t often share them because I feel not everyone wants to see that or is dealing with their own stuff and for me sometimes I just need to go into myself and I need time alone.

However afterwards I will talk about them because I now know it’s ok to have bad days and talking is good. Be it to family, friends or into my phone on Instagram. I really love interacting with people who have been through similar cause then I don’t feel so alone but I also enjoy interacting with those who have never dealt with it but that I have given them some understandings of it.

I’ve learnt to accept the bad days. I take them on the chin.

When I had my first pregnancy end in Ectopic and my 3rd pregnancy being a stillbirth, I really did fear a lot of other things not just the emotions of what had happened but a lot of other things crossed my mind for example my marriage and relationship with my husband and its survival. You hear stories of marriages breaking down after these things. Men and Women, in my opinion, often deal with emotions very differently. They hurt of course and everyone deals with trauma so differently, regardless of gender. I am certainly not tarring all men in the same light, I am just going by my own experience. Myself and my husband still do deal with Oisin’s loss completely different but I accept that and he accepts mine too.

Going back to the mental health issues I’ve dealt with since our loss I’ll be honest the smallest little thing can set me off keel and send me overboard and I go into fight or flight mode. I like to keep myself busy and I am by nature a serious one for planning stuff and being a good organiser. But now if something doesn’t go to plan, that’s out of my control, like for example if my train is running late in the morning, even by 2 minutes I actually go into panic mode and get very stressed out by it. I need to work on this and understand that I cant control everything around me.

I guess the whole reason I started this blog in the first place was to show anyone going through baby loss and the mental anguish that goes with it that there is loneliness and there is tough times but there is light at the end of the tunnel, there are still bad days but learn to actually love and accept the emotion that goes with the bad days. I like how I feel after I come through a bad day or period, the clarity, the hope and the positivity, the relief, the fact that I can feel emotion…happy and sad and all in between. It makes me feel human. Normal. That it’s ok to not feel ok. I feel more in control of my mind now that I have learned to accept them.

So don’t just be kind to yourself today, tune in and check in with yourself often and be mindful of you. Quite often I find if you are in need of help, asking for the help is the first step to get through it.

And the sense of mental relief I got from writing this post and getting the thoughts out of my head have really helped me today too! So maybe get writing down your thoughts too and read them back.

Stay safe and well folks both inside and out.

Quote proud

The bench

I don’t remember too much from this time last year but this year I seem to remember more or have flashbacks to this time 2 years later.

I guess my brain has just processed the events more over time. But I do need to get it down, out of my mind and on paper, in case over time I forget, I mean I probably will never forget, but just in case I’m getting it off my brain.

The bench in this picture signifies so much for me, especially today on September 30th 2018.

I sat on this bench for a few hours that day holding and hugging both my babies.

Cadhla, my 13 month old, here with me on the outside, she held on to me like she could feel my sadness but kept smiling at me like she was oblivious to the reality of the pain, which I guess she was.

Cadhla sitting at Oisín’s bench – September 2018

My 2nd baby, I didn’t know at the time the baby’s gender or name, but this baby was inside my tummy, now floating, now lifeless, but I still hugged and held the baby inside my womb.

It was 11.30am on September 30th. It was time to take the tablet.

What tablet?

In those minutes after my scan my Consultant came rushing over to us, sympathized and told us what would happen next. I needed to take a tablet to bring on labour. I could have taken it there or then, or in a few hours or the next day or whenever.

It was now two days later, after I felt I’d started to process what was going on and prepared (or at least thought so) myself mentally for it. I went to the kitchen sink, got myself a glass of water, gingerly swallowed it. It was a bitter pill to take in more ways then one.

Within 48 hours my body would go into labour.

Tomorrow, October 1st, Dublin were playing a replay of the all Ireland final. I’d been up in our local GAA club the previous Sunday, only 6 days ago, watching the match, telling everyone that asked how far along I was, the excitement of having a brother or sister close in age for Cadhla, the usual happy pregnancy chit chat, now 6 days later I was taking a tablet to bring on labour to give birth to a still born baby. Hard to process. Damn flippin’ right it was.

Minutes after I took the tablet myself and Cadhla went out for a walk along the coast in front of our home. A gorgeous, beautiful autumn day. Full of people.

People smiling at Cadhla in her buggy and glancing at my bump extending their smiles further, I’d tried to hide it but it was still there. I put ear phones in but had no music playing, cause folk always stop to chat to mommas and baby’s walking along that stretch.

I mean imagine if someone had stopped and asked me about my due date etc.

Anyway I didn’t get too far. I stopped to sit at this bench overlooking my favorite stretch of that coastal walk. I sat there for about 2 hours, Cadhla napped and then woke up in that time. While she napped I asked the universe, the sea and the air, for strength to get time through these coming days.

When Cadhla woke we hugged each other and I asked her for her strength, to help me too. I didn’t know what to expect or what was going to happen. It was so scary and I wished to every single God and higher power to wake me up from this nightmare.

When I pass this bench I always think of those moments. I call the bench ‘Oisín’s bench’ even though it isn’t officially. But I feel like it is his, it’s holds a lot of the memories from that time.

Oisín’s bench